waiting...

One time a sweet southern grandma whom I adore, called me patient among a few other sweet things. She said it to my very sweet & patient sister in law, Sarah. Sarah laughed.

Okay, so I'm not the most patient person. If you know me at all, you know this. I have however come a long way in the past few years in the area but I am still never going to be called patient and not laughed at :)

So, we are waiting. Waiting, and waiting more. I have dreams about kids in our house, about holding a little hand as we cross the street, new school clothes and I tend to linger at the backpacks a little too long as I walk past. Which by the way, when did backpacks get sooo expensive?

We have nothing else to do on our end, but wait. Pray. Wait. Distract ourselves with WAY TOO MANY house projects and wait some more.

So, that's what's going on. I email who I can, talk to the right people about some kids waiting out there. Think about our little boy, try not to think about someone else tucking him in at night and picking out his new backpack with him. I wonder what he wants to be for halloween, if he will want to trick or treat? I wonder if anywhere in his little heart he knows we are coming for him. Then we wait some more.

I had my itunes on random country music this morning and heard this line...

"Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood."

Now, I know Garth wasn't talking about adoption, but that's all I could think about.

I may have teared up, I may have thought about how much we love a little boy we've never met. I may have thought about all the people in our life who are so ready to love him too, no matter who he is. I may have tears in my eyes as I type this. I may.

And I may be having a hard time right now being patient.

This is the one decoration we have for his room so far, until we know what he likes...

Sending our home study :)

Our amazing caseworker will be sending our home study out today to 4 different caseworkers about 4 separate little boys. Tomorrow she will send our home study out to every county in Colorado as well so if there is a little boy we don't know about who could be a match they will contact us as well. At this point we are inquiring on every little boy under the age of 8 :) We feel peace that God has our little guy chosen and we just need to keep going through the process to getting to him. So we will wait and hear if any of these boys caseworkers will call us for a meeting. These are the next steps:

1. We get a call from a caseworker who invites us in for a meeting with everyone on the little boy's, "team" this can be up to 20 people :) They ask us questions and get a good feel for us as a family
2. If they still like us for him and we feel led to move forward with that little guy then we go in for another meeting but the tables are turned and they present the child to us. We ask as many questions as we can think of but we are not allowed to give answer about moving forward in this meeting.
3. We pray and sit with all the info we have and if we decide yes, then we meet our little boy and begin our transition!

Transition will look different for each child. It could be fast over a couple weeks or it could be slow over a months time. We obviously are hoping for fast :) During this time we will spend evenings and have him sleepover, give him his book we've made that many of you helped with, start personalizing his room, buy him some new things, enroll him in school (if he is old enough) and start making plans for him to be in our life forever!

We obviously cant wait to meet our son, but know that God's timing is best. Every big plan Drew and I have ever made has been interrupted and either completely changed or at least tweaked by God's ultimate plan so we are aware that none of this is in our control. We are just going to keep moving forward holding our plans loosely and listening carefully for His voice. Patience is key right now so pray that we continue to have His peace that passes all understanding.

Hey sweet boy,

We have done everything we can to get to you as fast as possible, but now we wait. We wait for a phone call or an email, we wait for meetings and all of this will be happening before you even know about us. I really hope it's only weeks until we get to meet you, if it was up to me it would be hours, but we trust that God has all of this in His hands. We pray that as soon as you are told about us your heart feels peace, that when you meet us you know you are loved, wanted and that you belong with us forever. We are already praying for your heart and little body to be healed by The God who created you. We know He has an amazing plan for your life little man. He has known since before you were born that you would be ours and us yours. I know it is hard to believe that there is a God who loves you when you have experienced so much pain in your little life, we can talk about that as much as you'd like. God created you and He has a beautiful plan to redeem all the hurts in your life, we are here to walk with you every step of the way. God has done great things for Mommy and Daddy and we will tell you about those too. My arms ache for you sweet boy, see you soon.

Love you, Mommy

Approved...

I didn't mean to post that but decided to leave it ;) I was going to elaborate and say that as of today our home study has been approved, my finger prints were found and processed, a very long couple weeks of moving, painting, remodeling, VBS, friends in town... is over. Your prayers have meant and continue to mean so much to us, so thank you!!!

We have NO plans tonight other than our caseworker coming over to have us review our approved home study :) We are going to relax together and try not to do anything productive. Then tomorrow back to responsibilities but only after we sleep in past 6am :)

Hey little guy,

We are so close to getting to know who you are and we can't wait! We already love you like crazy and are so excited to have you home with us. There are so many people praying for you sweet boy, you are so loved and so wanted. We are getting to you as fast as we can, see you very soon!

Love you, Mommy

Approved.

All at once!

There is so much happening all at once. Literally in this moment many things are happening and just in general this month, much is going on. I have a quick minute for some reflection before the dryer is finished so this is going to be unedited thoughts from me during a nuts time in my life ;)

"God works in mysterious ways", feels very real right now. A few friends have asked me if I am overwhelmed, and until two nights ago when I had to leave our house and the endless painting and come to the apartment to eat ice-cream and watch How I Met Your Mother...other than that night I'm not really overwhelmed. Friends have asked me if i'm scared. "Doesn't the foster care system scare you?", "Does the thought of taking on a 5 yr old scare you?" "Isn't this all a little bit scary?" Honestly, my answer has been, no. Fear is not what I am feeling. As caseworkers present little boys to us, tell us their heartache, their story and ask if we want to know more, we do. When we read books and talk to other parents and watch videos online of speakers, fear is not what I feel. I feel sadness, sadness for them, for their mom who messed up too many times to get them back, sadness for me and Drew that we couldn't protect them, that we didn't even know their face until now. I feel determined. Determined to walk through this journey God has us on with perseverance when it's too much, when I don't know what I am doing, when I want to give up. We have hope, we know God has this path for us and we know He has great plans for our little boy. We know He wants healing and restoration for him way more than we do and we believe that if we are willing and seek Him that He will use us to help that happen.

We are so very close to knowing who God has for us and right along with all the serious feelings we are having we are so excited! Excited to see his face, to know him, to put his room together with some of his favorite things and pray over him as he sleeps. We can't wait to be parents and we are not scared. At first I was hesitant to tell people we aren't scared because I didn't want anyone to think we are under educated or naive, but now I just really think we have God's peace that passes all understanding. He has us in this place and He is right here with us. These lyrics are playing in my head as I write this...

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome in power, Our God, Our God...

(Chris Tomlin, Our God)

I have never done anything before that I have known more clearly that God is with us than what we are doing with adoption.

Hey little guy, we are so close to getting to know who you are! We pray for you a lot, we pray that God would begin healing your heart and planting hope that you will have a mommy and daddy soon who will never leave you and never hurt you. I know that is hard for you to believe because your tiny heart has already been through so much and been hurt so many times but after some time you will believe us. Daddy and I painted your room the other night, we just went with a boring color so that you can tell us what you like and then we will paint again! I am so tired of painting but for you little guy I will paint whatever color you want! We have a few books and clothes for you already and the bed that Daddy slept in when he was little. Our friends have even been collecting little things for you and can't wait to meet you! We have the sweetest, most amazing friends, you are already so loved! I love you so much and I pray that even though we haven't met that the love I have for you is with you, that you feel it when you drift to sleep at night, or when you are scared or lonely, or maybe when you are celebrating something fun. I pray that you are safe and that God whispers our love to you in every quiet moment. You've already changed our lives and we don't even know your name, I will tell you more about how later :) See you soon sweet boy.

Love you, Mommy