House Pictures Pre- Closing

Drew and two guys from work did our home inspection yesterday. I came a long and took some pictures. Here's a few...

Master (still with their furniture)

Kitchen pre-construction ;)

Living Room (still with their things in it)

Backyard (before we re-do some things)

Drew inspecting things:) and our realtor in the background

Documenting...

I really wanted to document this process. Mostly for me and our kid, but I'm finding myself having a hard time saying much more than the facts and timeline every few months. Believe me, way more is going on in my head and heart then I am writing here. I don't feel like I am really documenting the process as I had hoped.

Just as I am writing this I am remembering the summer after my freshman year of college. I had taken my camera on a camping trip gone wrong the previous fall and it had gotten wet and ruined. I didn't have the money to spend on a new camera and it had been months since I had been able to take a picture of something I wanted to remember. I just wasn't documenting my life how I had hoped. I remember coming to a conclusion one day though. The places I was going, the things I was seeing, the memories I was making... all of those things just belonged to me and whoever I was in the moment with. I know it sounds cheesy but it is truly what got me through my time with out a camera.

So, as I was thinking about how I just haven't been documenting this process how I wanted to, and I thought over the things that have happened, tears shed, prayers whispered, questions asked, feelings hurt, understanding felt, support offered, conversations had, hands held, hugs given I realized maybe those things don't need documented how I thought they did. Maybe those things just live in me, and with the people who were there with me. I don't remember everything that happened those months with out my camera, but I'm pretty sure I remember the things that mattered. This doesn't mean I am going to stop keeping boxes and boxes of "keepsakes"; notes written, pictures drawn, encouragement given. I'm not done taking pictures, spending hours looking through them and wanting to document all the little and the important things.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that the things that are not documentable, the things I wish I could capture and revisit as often as I want are possibly not meant to be captured. Shopping for bunk beds, picking out books to read at bedtime, unexpected conversations while we should be working, listening to certain songs over and over and over in the car so I can memorize them to sing as I tuck him into bed, tears that surprise me as I pray for a kid that I've never met, excited friends asking a million questions, moments of catching Drew out of the corner of my eye and knowing he was made to be a Dad, seeing glimpses of the mom I want to be, small moments of knowing with out a doubt how gently and deeply God loves me, Drew and our little kid. Those moments and more, there's no pictures I can show you and no documentation of what was said, what was felt, what was shared, and I'm more okay with that then I was when I started writing this :) All these things are documented in me, Drew and the people we walk life with.

But, now to document some very documentable things....

I started this post last week before two major things happened!

We got a house!

And we met with our caseworker who told us we are not very far away from getting placed with a little kid! We should be all certified and just waiting to take possession of our house which will happen mid July!

We've been writing to our future kids for a while now and so I thought I'd write to this little kid on here a few times as well...

Dear little kid we've never met,

We can't wait to know you, play with you, snuggle and laugh with you. We wonder what your name is, your favorite color, if you like sports, what kind of birthday cake I will get to make for you and what color you will want us to paint your new room. We hope and pray that wherever you are, you are being loved and taken care of. We pray for God to protect you, your little body and heart and to plant seeds of hope that He loves you and that very soon you will have a mommy and daddy. We aren't going to be perfect but we will never leave you. You will have aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents and lots of friends who already love you too. I know your life is scary and so uncertain right now, but we are getting to you as fast as we can! I pray you sleep sweet tonight with God's peace that passes all understanding. Daddy and I will see you soon... Love, Mommy

24 hours of training complete!

We completed our final 12 hours of training with P127 last weekend. It was a long weekend, neither of us are very good at sitting for hours and hours! It was worth it though, every hoop we jump through gets us closer to getting our little kid :)

Next...

• I meet with a couple people and make our final decision on which agency/county we are going to move forward with
• We get our CPR/FirstAid Certification
• We attend the Empowered to Connect Conference
• We attend two hours of a local adoption support group
• Have our friends and family fill out support covenants
• We turn all of our certifications and hours into our caseworker
• We begin our homestudy/background check/fingerprint screening... this is where the waiting begins

We are buying a house this summer as well and cannot finish our homestudy until they approve the living space we will be bringing our little kid into. Our hope is to close on a house in July, move in, take the vacation Drew earned through work in August and then be ready for our little kid to come home when we get back!

In the meantime we are reading a gazillion books, talking, praying, dreaming, looking up how to build cool bunk bed, stressing about what sport he/she might want to play and how much things like cleats, uniforms and bikes cost, picturing Drew heading off to go fishing with him/her in his truck, lingering as I walk past the little kid clothes section at Target, planning camping trips with our friends in my head, crying as I think of the hurt in his/her little heart and wishing I was the one tucking them into bed at night, wondering what it will feel like the first time they call us Mom and Dad.

Honestly, all that mixed with the fears of not doing this well, of not loving enough, of exhaustion as I read and learn about attachment, trauma, loss and grief and knowing that all of my energy will be spent on this sweet little kid, knowing that how we are going to need to parent this child for his/her heart to heal is going to take so much work and patience and that our friends might think we are nuts for parenting so differently than you would a bio kid.

Our days are strung with a mixture of worry, fear, hope, excitement, faith, trust and wonder. As we prayed for our little kid last night before we fell asleep I asked Drew how he knew God wanted us to do this. As he answered me I drifted off to sleep with a sweet peace of having a loving Father who knows us, loves us and is intimately involved in our lives and sharing a life with a man who seeks that Fathers heart in all he does.

One thing I know for sure...the little kid we get to bring into our lives is going to have the best Daddy in the whole world.

(Drew filling out one of our many questionnaires)

12 of 24 hours complete!

We finished the first half of our certification this weekend. It was A LOT of sitting and being fed junk food. By the time we got home Saturday night we both felt sick! BUT, it was a ton of information and we met another couple about our age who live in Denver and are on a similar road to us. We got to grab lunch with them and they are going to come over for dinner before our next weekend of training which is the 18th and 19th. We really feel blessed to have met them. We feel sort of like the minority in the process being young and that we are choosing to adopt before we have bio kids. So, when we met Andy and Megan and we realized our many similarities we knew this other couple was going to be a huge blessing to us during and after this process!

So, after we complete this next weekend of training we compile all of our certifications (listed in the post before this one) and give them to Project 1.27 to process. At that point we have to choose ONE county or agency that works with P127 to move forward with and they will run our background check, process our fingerprints and then begin our home study. After we choose we will only be able to adopt out of their waiting children, this is where we are asking you to be praying for us. We believe that God has already chosen who will be our kiddo and that He is in control of this whole situation. We want to move in His shadow, not too far ahead or too far behind. At the next weekend of training all of the counties and agencies will be there to answer questions and tell us about their process. We were told they will also have pictures and profiles of their waiting kids which is where emotion enters and my extremist and impulsive tendencies want to jump in and try and take control of the whole thing.

To be completely honest everyone in that training room shared they wanted a young child, some said boys, some girls, some said they would be open to 2 or even 3 siblings. The average age of kids waiting and ready to be adopted is 10. There are exceptions to that, and we are hoping to not go older than 8 just because we are young. We have had a certain picture in our heart for a while now and have held it close to us not telling many people what we think God might have in store for us. At the same time we want to hold all of our expectations loosely and know that we are not in control.

I am not sure if I mentioned this in the last post but we are also house shopping:) We hope to move in July, so even though this certification is going quickly we don't feel good about bringing a child home until we are in that house. All that to say, we have a lot we are trusting God on right now:)

Please be praying for us, that we have an insane amount of wisdom when it comes to choosing a county/agency and choosing a home. Also, that in the midst of training and house shopping and certifications and dreaming about being parents, reading books about attachment, grief/loss and how to love a child well who has been so deeply hurt that our marriage and relationships would stay strong.

4 Hours Down!

We are in Loveland settling into our hotel room for the night. We just completed our first 4 hours of certification training and head back in at 8am tomorrow for 7 more hours!

We are soaking in a lot of good information and even made some friends who live in Denver. We bonded over Drew's Oregon hat and the fact that we are the only 20 somethings in the class :)

We are so excited to be on this journey and already completing half of our certification this weekend!

They suggested tonight that we start memorizing scriptures about fear, protection (spiritual warfare) and trusting God. Any suggestions?

Details, Details...

So, ever since I posted everyone seems to want more info, particularly the when of it all :) We are new to this whole process but I will do my best to lay out a timeline the best as I can with the information that I have.

• Attend Project 127's Orientation (Did this last week)
• Fill out a spiritual questionnaire and have a Spiritual Interview with one of our pastors
• Get CPR/First Aid certified
• Fill out A LOT of paper work
• Go to our local police department and get fingerprinted
• Attend two weekends full of trainings (March 4/5 and 18/19)
• Hand in ALL of our paperwork and certifications to Project 127 for them to process and put into a file (takes about a week)
• Choose a county/agency we want to work with
• Submit our file to them and they will start our background check (which can take a couple months to get back)
• After they get our background checks back, we will begin our homestudy which takes about a month, but we cannot complete until we are in our new house which we hope to be in by July
• Time passes... (hopefully not more than a month)
• Get a call and talk with caseworkers about a certain child
• We decide to move forward and transition the child into our home
• After 6 months we can petition for legal adoption
• We get a court date and become a family!
• HUGE Party at our new house to celebrate our new family!

Orientation

Last night Drew and I attended an orientation.

If you know us at all you know we love kids and we have even surprised most of you by making it this long into our marriage with out having babies yet! Well, recently we decided we wanted to start our family, we also decided thatwe wanted to do that through adoption. After lots of conversations about what this could/should look like for us we decided to move forward with adopting a child legally free for adoption who is already waiting in foster care for someone to bring them home.

There is a really great non-profit here called Project 1.27. We began the process of becoming certified to adopt out of the local foster care system by attending their orientation and paying our fee to take home a very large application packet :)

"Our mission is for there to be no legally free children waiting to be adopted in Colorado foster care by 2014. Our method is to recruit, train, and support families from local churches to adopt these children."

Project 1.27 is named after James 1:27

I am going to do my best to keep a sort of journal of this process on here for two reasons. One being my own personal record of dates and stories. Reason number two is to hopefully debunk some myths about adoption.

P1.27 encouraged us to bring friends and family who had expressed an interest in supporting us on this road so we invited a handful of special people in our lives in hope that a couple of them would be able to make it. The odds were stacked against us in our head... the orientation was a good 1hr 20 minutes away and time is a hot commodity in the busy lives of our friends. We knew whether they could attend or not that they loved and supported us so we just threw it out there and were completely overwhelmed when they almost all said yes :)

The cheesy and sentimental side of me couldn't resist taking a picture to remember the night we began this process and who so selflessly drove up and sat through 2 hours of a meeting they didn't have to be at with us. They talked a lot about a support 'team' last night and one thing we can check off our list is one really amazing team :)

That is one reason we knew we could do this, we aren't perfect and are aware of the challenges that lie ahead, but we are incredibly supported and loved. We aren't going to have to walk this alone and look at all the people who are going to love on a kid who thought that no one loved them at all! Another cool thing is that there are more friends and family who for whatever reason it may be proximity or timing weren't able to attend...lets just say we have enough support to share...but we don't wanna :)

And yes, Drew's brother Troy has a frisbee on his head. He's going to be a fun uncle!

Christmas!

I didn't do a very good job finishing the 25 things I was thankful for and didn't even get close to mentioning everything that was on my head and heart when it came to the thankfulness I felt over Thanksgiving. BUT I do think I did an alright job making sure the people in my life know how thankful I am for them, so I feel okay about that :)

Now it is Christmas morning! (Well, it was when I started this) Drew and I just opened a few gifts from each other and now I am sitting here writing while he makes crepes and bacon! I told him I wanted to start some of our own traditions this year and that is what he wanted to do :) My husband making me crepes and bacon on Christmas morning sounds like a great tradition to me!

We wanted to share the many ways we were blessed over this past year and the things we are so thankful for. As we reflect that Jesus is the best gift we have ever been given we become even more aware of the amazing gifts that God gives us each day.

So here is our top 10 of 2010 (I stole that idea from my friend, Laura's Christmas card :)

1. We got to travel to Guatemala twice!

Once in March with family, and again in October with an amazing team of friends! We climbed a volcano, did VBS and construction at Kairos , spent time with local friends and got to visit Astrid, the sweet girl we sponsor through Compassion!

2. We traveled with Drew's family

to visit his grandparents in Oregon and I got to see where he spent the first year of his life :)

3. Drew got promoted

to a Builder at Oakwood Homes and at his Christmas party his boss told me he is their, "Superstar Builder" :)

4. We both turned 25 this year!

We were surrounded by amazing friends and family who made us feel so celebrated!

(celebrating with friends:)

(at Drew's kickball birthday bash!)

5. I started working with our Family Pastor

at Church, helping her with the k-5 program!

(after our Pumpkin Bash:)

6.We got to welcome 2 very special very sweet babies into our lives!

Julia Lorah Marie McGraw, The Beautiful!

Ryan Everett Graves, The Magnificent!

7. We celebrated 2 years of marriage!

8. I took a road trip to Chicago

with one of my best friends to celebrate her graduation from grad school!

I couldn't get this one to rotate??

We stopped in Iowa and got to see some special people too!

9. We celebrated Thanksgiving/my birthday with Family!

10. We celebrated Christmas with Family & Friends!

Early Christmas with Drew's Mom, brother and his wife

Christmas Eve at the Graves

Christmas Dinner at the Pearce's

Christmas extended! Breakfast and a movie in pj's on the 26th with Kristen and Chad

Catching Up

I have done a terrible job at my 25 days of thankfulness!

Today is day 16 and I have done 3!

So, here is me catching up on 13 things I am thankful for

#4. Stars. I think stars are one of God's coolest creations and I love being surprised by the wonder of them. I grew up in a place where it was easy to see them, living in Denver makes it harder, so when I am somewhere less populated sometimes they catch me off guard and I have to stare at them.

#5. My car. It's safe and takes me all the places I need to go... and want to go :)

#6. My job at Red Rocks Church. Who else gets to buy 40 cans of spray cheese, wear pantyhose with tennis balls in them on their head and dress up as obscure Bible characters? I get to work, play and learn from people I love.

#7. A wall in my bedroom being painted, "surfer".

#8. My garage=no ice on my car in the morning!

#9. Music. Sara Groves topping my most listened to tab right now.

#10. My apartment being a million times warmer than the sweet place we lived last winter!

#11. Sunshine, lots and lots of sunshine, even when it's snowing.

#12. Compassion International for giving me the gift of being a part of sweet Astrid and Jumanne's lives all the way in Guatemala and Tanzania.

#13. Skype. Getting to see and talk to my niece and nephew almost anytime I want is the best!

#14. Pumpkin bread, pie, whoopies, muffins... The food of this season is the best, it almost takes the sting away from the devastating fact that winter is coming.

#15. Photographs and that my big sister rocks at documenting everything her gorgeous kids do!

#16. Time. I have been trying to slow down lately, turn off the ringer on my phone, shut off the TV, say 'no', turn the radio down in the car and just be. I have had time to read by Bible everyday, organize my closet, cook yummy things, lay in bed and think, meet a friend last minute, write, drive under the speed limit, go to bed earlier, dream and more...it is so wonderful.

Day 3 & 4

Okay, so I missed yesterday and I almost missed today!

I just got home from an event to raise money for the Adoption Exchange. It is a wonderful organization. So, in theme of the beauty of adoption, tonight I am thankful for him...

Jacob Anthony Jorge Julianelle, my sweet nephew.

This sweet boy turns 4 on Monday. I flew to Guatemala to meet him for his first birthday, so it's kinda our 3 year anniversary of being best buddies :) I can't imagine life with out him!

Day 3&4- I am thankful for adoption and the amazing gift that Jacob is to our family.

Thankful day 2

It's only day two and I am already cutting it close blogging so late in the day! Today I am thankful for where we live. In a small scale and a larger one. I am thankful for our apartment that is warm and safe. I am thankful that we are close enough to church and friends that have become like family. I am thankful for the state we live in, the beautiful reminders of God's creation and BIGNESS that I can see out my window. The sunsets that light up the mountains in awesome ways.

On an even bigger scale, I am thankful that we live in a country where we have freedom. We can worship God wherever and whenever we want, we can vote for our government and laws. We also live in a place where we have clean water, plenty of food to eat and locks on our doors.

There is a lot about life in this country that we mess up, don't get me wrong, but there is a lot we have to be thankful for as well.

Day 2- I am thankful for my home, my city, my state and my country.

25 days of Thankfulness

November 1st.

There are 25 days until Thanksgiving, and my birthday. Every 7 years they collide. Last time this happened I was 17 and annoyed that I had to share my birthday with this holiday. This time, I think it's pretty cool.

For the next 25 days I will blog about something I am thankful for, a new thing each day.

1. Right now I am extremely thankful for this team of people:

I believe that God put this team of near strangers together for such an amazing week, and I am so thankful that I got to be a part of it. Each person, gifted in their own way got to use one of their specific gifts this week. I saw it as each day unfolded, I watched tears, laughter, silence, discovery...

Roark, 11.

Started off as an observer, like any little boy would during his first days in a foreign place...

He didn't stand back for long, he played like a big brother with Pablo, the little boy his family sponsors through Compassion International

He made friends with the boys at the school, language barrier wasn't an issue

His big brother heart came out again with sweet Javier who lived next to the school

If you ask me and Drew, that little boy, left Guatemala a young man...with a changed heart and lot of new friends

Jared and Amber

Jared owns his own remodeling business, and even though laying tile in Guatemala was vastly different from laying it at home, I'm not sure what we would have done with out his skills and tile wisdom :)

His tattoo's were also a hit, one boy actually started buying the gum with little tattoos in them and put as many as he could on his arm, just like Jared

Amber is a hair stylist and generously shared her gift with some teachers, students and neighbors of the school. As Amber was cutting hair and Jared was mixing cement just a few feet away he told her that he never thought they would get to do their jobs in the same place at the same time :)

Jared and Amber are hard workers and have such beautiful hearts. They were a huge blessing to me and Drew as friends and teammates on this trip. We loved getting to watch them use their gifts and fall in love with a new place and new people.

This post is getting long... so I will only share one more

Laura

brought along, Roark, her oldest of 4. She left the littlest 3 at home, but her huge mom heart was with us...

I watched her see Mom's who had nothing but gave of themselves everything, with eyes full of respect and a knowing. She wanted to encourage them and even though they spoke different languages, she did. I watched as these women were seen by her, not just looked at or photographed, she saw them, they felt seen.

This mom lived in a house the size of my bedroom. She has 7 children. Laura is looking at their homework :)

Laura meeting Pablo's Mom (the family her family supports through Compassion International) Our translators hadn't arrived yet...this is them seeing each other with no words.

5 of the 7 beautiful kids who lived next to the school. Laura would have taken them all home, plus their sweet mom if she could have

Laura was the only mom on our trip. God knew how He would touch her heart differently than the rest of us, and He also knew only she could see, do and feel certain things, people, situations that we couldn't.

He not only used the beauty that she is as a mom to the 4 kids she has here, He used a 5th piece of her story as well. Laura and her husband Josh have a baby girl in heaven. Her name is Pearl and she would have been 5 in June.

This is Laura and Beatriz. Mayra is translating because earlier this week using the little spanish Laura know's and the little english that Beatriz does, they each shared that they had a baby in heaven.

Now that Mayra was there to translate the conversation got to move past their shared heartache to sharing hope. Laura told her that she was brave, that she was praying for her...

She told her she didn't have to be afraid, and that she was a beautiful Mom

Beatriz melted into Laura's knowing embrace, there in the middle of construction, kids playing and staff coming and going they held onto each other

Minutes later they exchanged contact information and said goodbye.

I hugged Laura and she said, " We are all the same."

These are just a few reasons I loved this team. These are only a couple stories that I could tell. There were 5 other people on this team who I could write about as well, I am just so proud of our team and thankful that God truly gave me eyes to see as He used each of them in His way. Our trip didn't go exactly as planned, but it went exactly how it was supposed to.

Day 1- I am thankful for Drew, Jared, Amber, Audrey, Carolyn, Laura, Roark, Dan and the amazing week we shared in Guatemala